Life’s Changes and Challenges

There are two things I rarely blog about: politics and with the exception of my father's passing, my personal life. I don't blog about politics because passionate as I am about it, my passion is just that, MY passion and my opinions, and you know what they say about opinions. I don't blog about my personal life because I am an intensely private person and being a true Cancer, keep my innermost thoughts and feelings close to my chest (the crab is NEVER without its shell). Today, though, I found myself thinking on a really deep level about the changes and challenges of life and the reasons and meanings behind them and decided to blog about some of what I've been thinking today. There are so many trite, but true, sayings about life: It is what it is. Nobody ever said life was fair. Nobody's getting out of here alive. Life is short, make the best of it. We've all heard them all. The one that kept popping up in my head today was that people come into our lives for a reason or a season. Sometimes, it's difficult to decide the reason or the length of the season.

During the now two years since my last chick has flown the coop, I've been attempting to discover – and become – who I am to be for this next phase of the journey called life. It's hard to do the latter without successfully determining the former. I am so fiercely proud of my two sons. They are both intelligent and good human beings. If I leave this earth tomorrow, I will know that I've done something right – raising them to be the men they are today. The role of mother is many-faceted and now that my sons are grown, I've moved into a different type of mother role. I'll be honest and say that it's left a big hole in me; being a mother was such a large part of who I am. I am living alone for the first time in 28 years and I'll be honest and say I hate it. Yes, my days are my own. I don't have to cook if I don't want to and if I wish, I can say up all night watching movies or t.v. When I lock the door at night, I know I won't be awakened by my child coming in. But, this freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm attempting to forge a new life – and a new career – for myself but it's not always been easy. I even found myself suggesting to my now 22-year old son that he's welcome to move in with me next month when his brother gets married and he gets his own apartment. He thanked me but told me he's always wanted to have his own place and is looking forward to it. C'est la vie, I guess.

Sometimes, though, I wonder about the people who have passed through my life. I wonder if I got the lesson, if I learned what I was supposed to learn from them or vice versa. I don't believe in coincidences. I truly believe things happen for a reason and that people come into our lives for a reason. There's another truism that if we don't learn the lesson, we are doomed to repeat it. As I sat in a park this afternoon, I pondered that one for a long time. Are the patterns I've experienced in my life because I've not learned the lessons that were there for me to learn? Will there always be lessons, challenges? I suspect the answer is yes to both questions. When we face a challenge, we have two and only two possible responses to the challenge. We can accept and be open to the lesson, or, we can resist an opportunity to grow.

Today I am cancelling mess!
Getting rid of confusion that's been hanging around like cobwebs on my ceiling.
I am releasing my soul from tiredness and antiquated, meaningless crap!
Stepping out of traps that have long been rusted.
I'm doing like some companies do when they reorganize, forgiving debts, writing off losses, and establishing good credit for myself.
There are simply some things that need to be written off.
Some people, too!

Reverend June Gaitlin
from Spirit Speaks to Sisters

Love,
T