Stuck in the Meantime

This year, like every year at this time, I find myself contemplating changes that I want to make in my life commencing with the new year. A friend told me several years ago that January 1^st is not an ideal time to make such changes or resolutions. He told me that changes and resolutions are best made in the spring, which is a time of renewal and regrowth. January 1^st comes in the winter, when things are cold and stagnant. Though this makes a lot of sense to me, I still find myself thinking about affirmations and resolutions at this time of the year. A few weeks ago, I made the decision to cut most of my hair off. I wasn't happy with its condition and it just didn't seem healthy to me. Strangely, this cutting of the hair has been a renewal, a rebirth of sorts for me. I feel that, symbolically, I am starting in many ways, a clean slate. I can choose to write, draw or sketch whatever I want on this clean slate. The year 2008 was a tumultuous year for me in many ways, mostly having to do with the loss of my dear father. There were many ups and downs for me in 2008. In the process, I continue to learn a lot about myself. Isn't it funny that no matter our age, this journey called life continues to teach, and lead us? It seems that I've been stuck in the middle of what Iyanla Vanzant calls the meantime. I know exactly what I want in life, but what I want is nowhere in sight. The windows of the meantime house are clouded by fear, and self-doubt so that the light of love cannot shine through. The windows of our hearts and minds are streaked with past pains and hurts, past memories and disappointments. In the meantime, we keep looking through the foggy window, trying to convince ourselves that what we see is the real thing. It's not, and some part of us knows it, but we keep looking through the clouded, dirty windows anyway.

I've decided that the renewal that I'm experiencing will include a massive cleaning, cleaning out the old so that the new can see in and I can see the new. It will include a sweeping out of the old stumbling blocks that have stalled me in the meantime time. In order to welcome the new, to be open to what will be, I must prepare myself to be ready for the next steps in this journey called life. These steps at first will be baby steps, then they will be long strides, I may even take a few steps backwards, but I will resist the urge to be stuck back there. I will be open to new experiences, new people, new relationships, new career opportunities and a new openness.

So, there are things I will resolve to do and other things I will resolve not to do in the new year. I won't list them here for the world to see because I am a private person, and this I'm sure won't change in 2009 J. I do feel such a strong feeling of good things to come for me and those close to me. In The Secret, it tells us to envision it and then go live it. I intend to do that in 2009.

 

Blessings,
T